Office Variables

Step In The Arena - Gang Starr

Sometimes, the status messages of your friends from Yahoo Messenger can be very insightful. I should know, because people commend my status messages like that.

I don't think they're joking either.

Kidding and (mock) bragging aside, today's insightful message came from one of the brilliant minds from my batch. Dan Dizon, in particular. He was a very influential student and has been elected the student council president for the College of Engineer. He is now taking his masters degree at Berkeley. Needless to say, his status message often contains sharp observations and is laced with dark humor. (Note to Dan: please send me money for being your endorser. You're rich anyway.)

His status message read, "If the company pays you x, you are worth 10x. That's business."

I'm very sorry to tell you, Dan, but I disagree. Although I am not honored with farce and flabulous fierce and fabulous writer Malu Fernandez's "acerbic tit wit", my observations is better than your observations!

Behold, my Phoenix Bites Tiger Ass kung fu technique!

• if a company pays you x, you're actually worth y. Not the same, but you bet y > x.
• When in conference room, however, your boss is worth Z. Meaning, nakakaantok (translation: yawn-worthy).
• During overtimes when only a boy and a girl remains in the company, the office is worth X to the power of 3.

[Dan interrupts: Brilliant, Jou!]

Nah. More like, ass-like.

Resuming…

• When you're absent, you're worth 1/x where x is an integer. The rest of the company will spend their watercooler/lunch breaks speaking ill of every absent colleagues.
• Your contract is worth 0 (zero) if you work in a country whose legal system is as efficient as my country's.
• A Starbucks coffee most likely costs more than X. So save money, dammit!
• That's business!
• "That's business" is worth infinite. Above the law. Barbie toys have leads? That's business. Tim Yap condones hedonism? That's business. Recto certificates? That's business. Tasaday? ZTE? Iraq War? Paris Hilton? That's… well, you do the math.