Writing in agony « nightdreamer

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Writing in agony

November 7, 2007

A friend of mine has just finished the first draft of his novel and because he thinks I might be a good critic, he's sent me the files. I thought it's going to be hard times for me because I abhor reading books on a monitor (to date, I've only finished 1 e-book) but I'm also too reluctant to waste papers and printer inks.

And so, I'm quite surprised that I was able to make it past a hundred pages (out of 150, I guess that's a novella then) without batting an eye. I'm thoroughly impressed with his work! I would love to give a brief summary of it here but I promised him not to tell anyone yet, though I'll be glad to advertise his book once it gets published. For now, I commend him and his work (so far).

At the same time, that only leaves me frustrated. I know how hard it is to write a novel, but it's also something I've wanted to do. Many people think I'm weird because I often space out and become quiet. What they don't know is that I woolgather. A lot. I have plenty of stories and characters made and stored in my brain, and I would often assert that my daydreams are productive because I will write about them someday. I've started writing a few, but because of lack of words/skills, abundance of bad lucks, or sheer dissatisfactions, my works are either lost or trashed.

When I was a kid, I did write, but I didn't consider it anything more than a pastime. I've only started to fall in love with writing when I've started blogging two years ago, which wouldn't happen if it wasn't because of my female best friend's VERY persistent urgings (she's blogged since the late 90's I think). It's only then when I actually spent time developing my writing skills. To be honest, I never even thought that my other blog would last long - it's two years now and still alive, though no one ever comments there. That's an achievement, but I fail to find reasons why I should be smug, since I'm not even close to finishing a book. And in case you're wondering how I could want to create stories but not want to write, let's just say I used to want to commit those stories to another medium.

The longest I have gone was write four chapters (plus prologue) of a story involving spirits who combat catastrophes. Unfortunately, I lost the draft. Apparently those spirits lost to a flashflood of computer viruses. My other stories didn't fare better. I would often write the first chapter, revise it over and over, and finally decide it's trash and promptly erase everything. Oftentimes I would blame myself for not taking writing lessons earlier in my life, but the fact is that I did but I churned only soulless essays like how Kenny G's churned soulless jazz (he still does that). Unlike Kenny G though, I didn't earn a penny. I bemoan not falling in love with writing sooner. I could've been more capable. Yet, I don't stop imagining (there are reasons why I called my blog NIGHTDREAMER, and it's not just because of Wayne Shorter), and it feels like my heads about to burst with too much ideas that don't have any outlet of release.

So here I am, whiny, yet busy, lazy, aging (24 after a month) and distracted, unable to do what I want, and bitter that my friend has finished what I've barely started. While he's currently editing his draft, I am wistful yet lost in inaction.

Le sigh.

Posted by nightdreamer at 3:53 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

I love to write short fictions, too, when I was in high school. I guess blogging somewhat resurrected my love for writing.

Do you mind if I link you up? Very nice blog you have here!

Posted by Novz at November 7, 2007, 6:27 pm

Hey, Novz, nice ‘tameetcha.

Feel free to link me up. And thanks for the kind words.

Posted by nightdreamer at November 7, 2007, 8:41 pm

I got here as soon as I read your Friendster message. I was very curious (and somewhat “scared”) as to why you informed me that I am mentioned in your blog, in a post entitled “Writing in Agony.” Anyhoo… was I really that persistent in urging you?! hehe Can’t remember well na. Well, it’s for the best of things as it turned out, ain’t it?

As for writing a novel, I believe you’ll get there one day. I believe in you!! Cheesy as it may sound but yeah, go Jou! I’ll be really proud to have a best friend who’s an author.

Too much smileys, huh?!

Posted by Michelle at November 7, 2007, 11:18 pm

Take your time, everything will surely fall into place.

Posted by Schumey at November 8, 2007, 11:23 am

hahaha take your time:) matatapos mo din yan:) wag ka na mag blog gawin mo na lang novel:P

Posted by starz at November 12, 2007, 2:02 pm

You should write a novel. It’s never too late!

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