Story of the Past

Durrr… I must be extremely bored constantly posting new entries these 3 days.

I've been reading some past entries of my older blog. I ended up quite embarrassed. I write very differently now, and if my past self and I were two different person trading manuscripts, I would've asked him to do a lot of editing and I'm sure he'll ask me to do the same. BUT, I must admit, reading his entries brought back memories, and I have a few favorites. Oh wait, did I just refer to my past self in the third person? What's happening to me?

Anyway, I'm going to post one of his, uh, my past entries here. And yes, I edited it.

Children Comparison

- First written on December 6, 2006 

I've always detested a habit I call "children comparison". It's when parents keep bragging about their children's achievements in front of other parents.

I hate children comparison because parents do it to incite jealousy. Of course my parents have encountered other parents who do this, and I was scolded because I wasn't like their kids. Fine, but what if I want to be different? What if I'm not interested on accounting but more on flying a pirate ship exploring some secret cavity of a planet made of crystals?

Anyway, perhaps it is part of human nature for people to be proud of those they care about, and I can't fault parents if they feel this way to their children. But, there has to be a limit. Some parents speak of their children's many talents only when people asked. Others, like this mom I met yesterday, are very presumptuous.

I was on community service then, when this mom would constantly interrupt me. She asked if I could give her advices on how to cope with her hostile husband. I didn't have any advices for that. How would I know? I didn't apply for marriage counseling did I?

After I had rambled about how ignorant I am, she smiled smugly and said I'm young and a greenhorn, unlike her children. She then started to brag about how wealthy she is because of her children. And I'm sure you know what's about to start.

Her story sounded credible in the first two minutes, but it didn't take long before she started to sound like someone with a false sense of reality. Like, for example, how she claimed that all her children are UP grads. And they are, as a matter of fact, valedictorians. Yeah, ok. She then went on to say that her only son is a pilot who has a stewardess as a fiancée. Ooh how romantic, finding love in the skies; EXCEPT, I've never heard anyone studying in UP for 4 years and then becoming a pilot. Where the freeway at, the Sunken Garden?

She said that her daughter is taking up nursing. That makes it her third time making dubious claims. If you were a UP "valedictorian", would you even choose to endure another two years studying nursing? As far as I'm concerned, UP alumni who graduated with honors could be affluent in less than 30 days. Why take up nursing? Even if you consider that the daughter might want to change careers, why would she choose to study as a nurse and not as a doctor, a degree UP is very prestigious of?

Oh, but none of what she had narrated so far could prepare me for what she was going to say next.

She told me a lot of guys are attracted to her daughters. And then, ON THAT SPOT, flat-out, forwardly, aggressively, and boisterously… all right, please wrap your head around those adverbs first before I say anything else. Ok, ready? Prepare for this horror. She flat-out (et al) wondered if I wanted to marry one of her daughters.

What the hell!

She even showed me (or was it shoved to my eyes?) their pictures, and I had no choice but to politely agree that they're pretty. I say politely, because I was trying as much as possible to hide the "I don't dig her" tone with my acquiesced "affirmation". By the way, anyone who knows me knows that when I dig a girl, I never say "she's pretty"; I say "she's hot!" In fairness, her daughters (if they're really hers) aren't exactly ugly, but they're not exactly edible either. But that's beside the point: I don't want this mom as my mother-in-law. Imagine, she had barely known me for more than an hour and already she was proposing an arranged marriage? And if what she said about her husband was also the truth, I don't want in-laws who aren't at good terms with each other. I'm not a marriage counselor!

Those are, amazingly, not the end of her stories! The conversation (more like, her soliloquy) went to such absurd ways that it became about her children's IQ. Why I should care is a question Dan Brown could base his next conspiracy novel on. Anyway, she told me her eldest son has an IQ of 99.5. About that "eldest", one minute she said she had an only son, the next minute he's the eldest son. I'm dying to hear about her younger one then. Oh, and the IQ. I pretended to be dumb - it's a very effective mask, believe me -  and questioned the mom about what IQ 99.5 means. She said 99.5 means… hey, shut up Microsoft Word, get your curly underline out! She said 99.5 means "nearing genius". Hah! She has no idea! What would that have made me then, Marilyn vos Savant? And I've never heard of IQ with decimal numbers. That mom then told me that the same kid got a 99.5 in NCE. (I see she likes that number.) Fine, except, she never asked the score of the "greenhorn" she's talking to. I (and a lot of OTHER classmates) scored 99.8, and I don't give a damn. I have tossed the scoresheet 7 years ago.

Has 99.5 become a favorite number these days? Maybe that's what reflects that mom's IQ. It actually is "almost normal". And geez, I really don't care about the IQ of the people I hang around with (and it's not something I overtly ask from my acquaintances or even my close friends). Am I the only one who find people who go out to compare their IQ to others to be utterly unpleasant? But since she's bought this unto herself, I have nothing much to say to her other than to stop bragging about her fantasy, because it's really very stupid!

Man, why do I get to meet so many weirdo anyway?

Word (Updated)

Nah who needs introduction? I think I'll just go ahead and put a few words I love/hate. In no particular order. I love chaos. Palahniuk would be so proud.

Word: Word

Love/Hate: Word!

Uh, yeah, that was cheap. Next!

Word: Blogosphere

Love/Hate: hate

Clumsy. I was never a fan of the word blog because it sounds so much like the sound of your stacks of underwear falling to the ground. But blogsophere?! It gives me a much funnier image, like an entire world falling apart and people are still out there dancing to obnoxious techno (is there any other kind?) while wearing burlap thong underwear. 

Word: Defenestrate

Love/Hate: Throw something out of your window? What word could possibly be more awesome than this?!

Word: Bitch

Ha you saw this one comi-, er, arriving, didn't you?

Love/Hate: Love and hate, bitches!

I don't particularly loathe the word: it works very well as an intensifier. I just hate it when girls call themselves "bitch" as in "Babe In Total Control of Herself" when it could’ve been interpreted as "Babe Insisting To Cumwhore Hersex!" Yeah, those are portmanteaus, but stop bitchin' dammit!

By the way, acerbic wit extraordinaire Malu Fernandez calls herself a bitch. Uh, yeah, anyone remember who she is?

Word: Stately 

Love/Hate: I won't tell you. Read this instead: 

"Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air."

Ulysses starts like that. Is that your nose bleeding?

Word: Triskaidekaphobia 

Fear of number 13? SLICK! 

Word: Induhvidual

Love/Hate: How could I hate it? It sounds identical to "individual" and people with hearing problems (basically, everyone) will not be able to tell the two apart. So you can call people induhvidualistic and they'll respond to you favorably while you try to hide your chortle. 

Word: Ninjas

Love/Hate: Someday they will kidnap the president:

Word: Pirates

Love/Hate: They're, like, the new working class hero. Leave those Van Damme trash flicks to Video City. In the Philippines, who else tries to cater to the crowd of Seven Samurai, Apocalypse Now, The Man on the Train, or La Femme Nikita? 

Word: Haute Couture 

I hate "WRITERS" who try to sound intelligent BY INSERTING ASSORTED FRENCH AND LATIN WORDS! Dios mio! And something about haute couture, ipso facto, sounds très haughty.

Word: Haller 

(It does not mean a person who… dwells… in the halls.) 

Tagalog Heritage Dictionary says any word is "legitimate" as long as some rabid fans are enamored by the pa-­cute (want to know what pa-cute is nearly homonymous to?) personality using such word. SEE ALSO: JOKE JOKE JOKE, kering-keri, grabe over grover, itsumo kokoro (Tagalog style), pwe-DEH!!!!!!!1111111111111. Really stupid, really. For real. Realxactly. Anyway, say haller instead of hello if you live in 2005. Something like, you've had me at haller?! 

If you're hafi with haller, then ok fine whatever VV. Davah?! 

Anyway, I hate the word.

Word: Non-issue

I don't hate the word itself. I just hate how people (especially defenders of a scandalous president *ahem*) use this word. "Those deeds have passed so it's a non-issue". Blech.

Word Phrase: Superman dat ho

Love/hate: Hate! JUST WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MEAN ANYWAY?! 

I know what you're thinking. Nightdreamer, why not use all the words you've listed? Oh dear, I wish I hadn't brought that up.

In the tavern is a haute couture bard,

Who prides in swindling bitches.

By singing of the blogosphere,

He earns from stately arrivistes.

Of his words are, of induhviduals who,

Defenestrate their riches.

Where ninjas come to kill their foe,

A non-issue to their niches.

And a ship named Superman dat Ho,

Has pirates who loot riches. 

But on 13, the bard has left,

And everyone notices.

He says he's a triskaidekaphobic moron,

But all drunkards say "Haller?! He's Jason."

… 

I'm tired. I haven't slept for more than 10 hours since I turned 24. Hope you enjoyed reading this post, however nonsensical it is.