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January 18, 2008

My friend calls it the New Year Slump™. It’s what happens after you’ve had too much fun that, when holiday ends, you start to get the blues as your life descends to normal - also known as, unremarkable. That’s essentially my life-since-2008, summarized.

Something like that always puts me in a bad mood, to an extent more so than when I’ve been unlucky. At least when predicaments happen, I can easily write about them, throw in some funny/angsty punchlines, learn a few lessons, and receive words of kindness from supportive commentators (eyeing Schumey - yay!). But when life’s a bore, how could I write about it without in the process getting bored too? Picture a bored writer writing boringly about how boring his boring life has bored to bore him boringly about boredom. It’s like you dreaming of yourself asleep while dreaming of yourself asleep while dreaming… All right, save yourself from the migraine. Don’t even visualize it.

Times when you’re bored, de-stress by directing your thoughts to a hate (hehe I’d make a fabulous psychiatrist). Law of Attraction practitioners would tell me "shouldn’t you be reading The Secret instead to learn its lessons"? Why, that certainly isn’t very productive. You’re going to see me getting pissed off about reading a book that wants me to be foolishly happy. Things that try to please but achieve the contrary rile me up the most. Plus I’d be angry about spending money on an overprized toilet-paper. That’s more anger than I could manage. Wait, why am I talking about The Secret? Did anyone just blog about it?

So the hate I’m going to tell you about is my blog-related pet peeves. If you’ve been into blogging yourself, chances are you know of the habits of several bloggers. I find some of these habits downright loathsome, and I won’t be surprised if others feel the same. So I hope that in this post I’ll be able to express what, perhaps, others may feel but have never said aloud. I will also offer suggestions for those who find themselves guilty of said habits but have the sense to change for the better.

And I will not list spamming as a pet peeve. Duh, everyone hates spams! Even spammers hate spams. That’s not pet peeve at all. That’s universal peeve.

Anyway, we shall begin.

“Blog Hopping”

They are strangers-to-you showing that they have visited you by writing a “blog hop” on your tagboard. Sometimes they’ll write a one-size-fits-all praise such as “nice blog” or “cool blog”. They may even request to exchange links with you (this one is the least annoying because at least the honesty is there).

You may think that these people are validating you in their little ways, but that’s not true. They only want readers, and in their desperate search for those, they establish their presence everywhere they go by posting in as many tagboards as they can, hoping to lure the authors of the blog they visit to their own chasm. Attention is all they want, really. They don’t care for your well-being at all – ask these blog-hoppers if they’ve read your blog and see if you can get a candid yes. They’re just cold and impersonal clicks-happy dimbulbs who orgasm in every increment of their Page Ranks.

Of course every blogger wants to get as many readers as they can, but I do believe in a less rude way of inviting readers. That is, if you want to be noticed by me, the way you can do it without veins protruding on my forehead is to read my blog and post a RELEVANT comment! Make me think that you’re capable of stringing two words together and that you’re not a keyboard-slapping moron. Think my blog is too long? Fine, go find someone else’s!

Look, if you want your link in as many blogs as you want, the only way to do it is to WRITE SKILLFULLY! Can’t do that? Don’t blog! Think you aren’t good enough? Get an Elements of Style and go read some books! If you write anywhere like Caffeine Sparks or Liz or Schumey or Brad Gallaway or Brackenbeard or Wits or Fence or Cai or Virus or… gee, everyone from that Dope Blog list of mine! If you write anywhere like them I’d be the first one to add you! I’ll even ask you to autograph my chest. I’ll even be cordial enough to post on your tagboard, saying, “I’m going to add you”, without any intent of asking you to do the same but only of letting you know you’ve a fan, And if you like my blog, I’ll be happy too. That’s link-exchanging, the refined way.

The ones who link exchange the “amateur” way should consider river-hopping too. As for Raul Gonzales, he should jump into a cistern of boiling mercury - his own spit, incidentally.

Link Flooding

Imagine if you have to read a Crime and Punishment that has a word in different color per phrase:

He ran beside the mare, ran in front of her, saw her being whipped across the eyes, right in the eyes! He was crying, he felt choking, his tears were streaming. One of the men gave him a cut with the whip across the face, he did not feel it. Wringing his hands and screaming, he rushed up to the grey-headed old man with the grey beard, who was shaking his head in disapproval. One woman seized him by the hand and would have taken him away, but he toreher and ran back to the mare. She was almost at the last gasp, but began kicking once more. himself from

Can you imagine going over a hundred pages of that?

Yet for some bizarre reasons, some bloggers like to overwhelm their posts with links. They probably do it to appear…er… well-read? Well-clicked?

I mean, geez, what, are they trying to emulate Wikipedia? There’s a reason why wikipedia’s called “an encyclopedia”. You go there for reference! You don’t go to most blogs for the same reason.

I saw the most severe case of link flooding while reading someone’s travels. Imagine that. It’s not even a case study, so I don’t know what it’s trying to be. Maybe, an “obscure” diary that requires stupendous “supplementary” reads?

You’re better off writing in a way that requires the fewest side-reads. If you’re talking about something that requires a lot of sources, just put the links at the bottom, just like in prints.

Page Rank Moaning

People who moan about page ranks, they’re like Britney Spears, except, with panties on.

I’ve heard of the importance of Page Rank for business sites and for pro-bloggers blah-de-blahs. That’s fine with me. I do, however, take issues with bloggers who keep moaning about page ranks. They go to tagboards outright asking others to increase their traffic, and they incessantly write blog posts about wanting to increase their page ranks. Really, sometimes I just CTRL+F, search for “page rank”, and when there are results I turn off the window immediately. Haha.

Here’s a simple truth in life: we hate whiners (and by whiners I mean those who groan aloud but do not offer solutions).

Just think of it this way, do you like to constantly visit a kid who always bug you to buy him an Optimus Prime because his dad wouldn’t?

If you find yourself constantly moaning about page ranks, I give you the cardinal rule of blogging: write better.


Posted by nightdreamer at 1:00 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

hahaha. relax mate, you might burst a vein or something.

i echo your sentiments here. it’s quite discomfitting when somebody out of nowhere leaves a message in your shoutbox asking for a link exchange. makes my head spin actually.

Posted by fence at January 18, 2008, 5:13 pm

cool down, kris!

i bloghop, and leave some compliments on the layout and content. “bloghopped and read. nice blog you have here”. It’s means that I’ll go back to those readworthy blogs, read past posts and possibly link them up.

if i’d say, “bloghopped” without adding positive comments, it just meant that i’m pimping my site subtlely saying “read me”. If they like my site, I gain a fan. If they don’t, well it’s fine.

I share with yours and fence’s sentiments, Maybe we should delete the shoutbox. hehe.

Posted by Novz at January 19, 2008, 6:20 pm

Notice I put a quote-unquote on the bloghop. It means I don’t have objection to the act, it’s the way several bloggers do it that is obnoxious.

But I don’t exactly agree with the methods you mentioned. Words like “Bloghopped and read. Nice blog you have here” may come off as insincere, copy-pasted material. Oddly enough though, I learned of your site because you commented on my entry, which is what I suggested as “pimping the refined way”.

I contemplated deleted my shoutbox, but decided against it. There wouldn’t be another way for anyone to contact me through my blog, as there isn’t any private messaging features, and I’d rather not put my email address on display. I already get too much shemale-bestiality spams on my inbox as it is.

Posted by nightdreamer at January 19, 2008, 7:04 pm

oh, i forgot to add that on top of the cliches i leave on the tagboard, i’d also comment on the entry itself. then visit the same blog the next day, read reply comments, and comment on the next or past entries (if I can relate).

without the shoutbox, visitors/readers would take the effort in finding the comment portion of your post if they want to leave a trail back to their site. i don’t necessarily ignore link whores. some have pretty contents too.

have a great weekend, nightdreamer!

Posted by novz at January 19, 2008, 7:49 pm

But then again, what if, say, fence wants to greet me a new year (and just that)? I don’t want to force him to click one of my posts just to be able to do so, and at the same time, post a comment that has nothing to do with what I wrote.

So yeah, I want a shoutbox. But it has a share of caveats.

Posted by nightdreamer at January 19, 2008, 10:07 pm

oh, i can autograph your chest. they say i have a nice signature.

Posted by liz at January 20, 2008, 1:26 am

Cardinal rule of blogging: write better.

Bull’s eye!

Let’s not call what these people do “blog-hopping”

We should call it “blog-fishing.”

Posted by J at January 20, 2008, 4:08 am

Liz: Err, yeah. Make way for liz’s signature, you enormous nipple (eww)!

I have better signatures (plural?). After seeing mine, you’d never want to see anyone else’s. :P

J: I’d flat out call it “blog-whoring”.

Posted by nightdreamer at January 20, 2008, 1:26 pm

Enormous nipple… Heheh, quite disturbing.

Peace!

Posted by J at January 20, 2008, 5:28 pm

Hahahaha. Great post but I view it differently. I also get many hoppers. I check out their blog and if I like it, I link it. I don’t mind it really and it doesn’t irritate me. Regardless of their intentions, I give them my time.

About the page rank, I really never knew about it until someone pointed it out to me. And this happened just recently. Am I stupid or what?

You, J and I should get together one of these days. It would be a blast.

Posted by Schumey at January 21, 2008, 10:52 am

U, J and I. Fun with alphabets, dat.

Posted by nightdreamer at January 21, 2008, 12:19 pm

Your right Schumey, but the two of you should treat me. I’m less fortunate. :D :D

Posted by J at January 21, 2008, 8:01 pm

Hmmm, blog-hopping I do it everyday, but only leave comments when I somehow, identify with what was posted.

I have to agree with J there regarding the “enormous nipple” statement. Quite disturbing! but my kind of phrase! Hahahaha!

Posted by virus at January 22, 2008, 7:09 pm

I’m not strictly talking about blog-hopping. I’m talking about people posting “blog hop” on tagboards.

But yeah, like you, I only leave comments when I can identify with what was posted.

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