Open Letter to Malu Fernandez

(I swear this is the last time I’m going to talk about Malu) 

To Malu Fernandez, 

I have a story to tell you.

On October 2005, I met a cute photographer. She’s a journalism student of New York University. I asked her what it’s like to take journalism. She said it’s amazing, as it’s the course for those who are always curious and for those who want to impart thought-provoking insights to the world. I was very swayed by her passionate descriptions of the field, and I wanted to become a journalist myself. Yeah, you know, I was easily swayed by cute girls. It was from this brief moment of awe that I started setting aside time to improve my writing skills. I often visited the editorial section of Philippine Daily Inquirer and finished their articles feeling sated (and learned new words). 

When I read your OFW article I was shocked. How could you write something so ignorant? I never could’ve imagined that someone of your profession would write so insensitively. Then you gave your dissidents your “acerbic wit” repartee, and I felt even more deflated. It wasn’t enough that you lacked tact; you also had to insult your haters’s intelligence. So thank you, Malu. I applaud halfheartedly to your continual bastardization of the craft. Thank you for changing my perception of journalist from rose-tinted to jaundiced. Heh, that rhymed. 

Incidentally, and rather ironically, my Nightdreamer blog kicked off when everyone was all over your asinine charades. I didn’t pay much attention to other bloggers then, but after more than six months, I now have several blogger friends. I respect most of them as much as I respect journalists. I suggest you click on any from the Dope Blog list sidebar and see for yourself, but I think we can agree that they’re better than Perez Hilton, noh? They also have a few things to say about you. 

About this article you just wrote, I don’t like it. No bloggers seems to like it. I suspect that you also won’t like it when you have matured and have increased verbal aptitude. 

Oh, I can see why you hate people who comment on blogs under anonymity. In fact, last week, I mocked one of them. If I read you correctly, your reason for hating them is because they don’t have the balls to, straight-up, confront their enemies. Roight. I wonder about you, Malu. You disparaged a Spanish-descent blogger without mentioning his/her name. How are you an exception to who you disdain? Isn’t that hypocrisy? 

Your accusations to bloggers are baseless, you sounded like you’re just getting acquainted with the internet. Seriously, have you ever gone out to meet any of us? Have you rounded us up like what Beijing do to their cats, and done psychological experiments? I bet you’re making baseless generalizations because it’s something from your comfort zone. I could just as well floss insults to journalists based on reading your toilet paper, but I’m more sensible than that and I still maintain that most journalists are worthy of reverence. Anyway, since you’re this clueless about bloggers, let me teach you a few words we use. 

First, ROFL. It means roll on the floor laughing. We say, “We ROFL at your lousy metaphors” and frankly, we do. We feel sorry for you thinking mass/volume is a clever way to make your point. Now all inebriated bloggers will start teasing each other with “mass over volume” jokes. It’s going to be as overused as the Brokeback jokes. See what you’ve done, you tiddlytwit? Next time, write with more mass*acceleration or force (in case you’re not reviewing your physics)!!!!1111111

Another word is pWnd. It’s another way of saying “owned” or “ruled”. It means being outclassed. You don’t need to dig deep to see how many bloggers pWnd you in verbal proficiency. Do you remember insulting your haters as people who don’t read anything thicker than a magazine? You sounded exactly like someone who doesn’t read anything thicker than a magazine. I suggest you go buy Elements of Style so you can incessantly pound your head with it. You can also try Grapes of Wrath - although it’s as fat as you, it can make you sympathize with proletariats. 

LOL is Laugh Out Loud. The forum regulars from The Man Blog are calling you MaLOL Fernandez, and that’s because they’re laughing at you. They’re laughing at your pathetic green Hermes bag analogy. Really, you don’t have to return it; it will, in utter embarrassment of its owner, dash back to the store. Can you also stop being such an arriviste? Your speech reminds me of the pretend-rich posers from Starbucks. If by chance you’re interested in history, you’ll learn that it’s not usually the elites, but the proletariats, who brought progressive changes. Maybe you can read on Civil Rights Movement and learn about how the equal rights among races were developed? Or you can read about India’s bloodless revolution? Better not underestimate the power of the working class. 

It’s true that most of us bloggers are everyday people who have school, work, family and finances to worry about, but we are writing anyway because we love it. You might also want to remember that before you’ve become privileged, the one who made you so was also a common person. You may find it a good idea not to step on the toes of the everyday people. You should respect them and do what musicians call the grassroots approach, otherwise you will learn that we bloggers are relentless when you’ve incited their wrath, and we’ll use whatever freedom given to us to direct their anger to you. If you’re going to counter this current, then at least back it up with some credentials. Bloody hell, go get some exercise, both physically and verbally! Otherwise, although you may feel smug for being a journalist, there’s nothing for you to gloat: not your writing skills, not your journalistic prowess, and not your reasoning skills. Bloggers and journalists are on equal grounds, and I’d like to think that neither of them are fostering an “us against them” mentality. Whatever the case, as a journalist you have nothing, and, although I know you are enormous, you should get over yourself!

Regards,

Kris a.k.a. Nightdreamer