Mess About

August 15, 2008

I am getting annoyed! For the past two weeks, I have done nothing. Zero, that big fat oval bigger than the nothingness it signifies. Okay, so maybe I have done a few trifling chores, but I don’t think I’ve done deeds that contributes to the world’s greater good, or even just my own.

 

That means I have no new ramblings recorded, no new movies watched, no new books read, no new friends gained, and no new illustrations drawn. I’ve also become antisocial, and, mind you, I find that disturbing. Last Wednesday is an example of how withdrawn I’ve become. I had an umbrella then, and so I was protected from a turbulent storm. One person not quite as prepared as I was for the ugly weather approached me and sought my assistance - that is, asking if he could share a part of my umbrella. I acceded. He then started making small chats with me, but he was only met with my unenthusiastic “yeahs”. I didn’t even smile, or make eye contacts. Needless to say, he went away without giving or receiving business cards. Another example of my nasty reclusive ways happened last Monday, when I had a falling out with one of my long time friends. I don’t even want to go into details; all I can say is that it’s been a while since I last lost so much trust on someone I used to think as sincere.

I just don’t know what is happening to me and why I’m feeling haggard and dead. I look without really seeing or eat without really tasting, and when I go out with beautiful women, I don’t feel any magic (okay, I lied about that last part.) Oftentimes when my boredom has become unbearable to me, I would take a stroll to the mall, waste money on cheap thrills, and yet go home unsatisfied. At times I’ve wanted to be grumpy, but whenever I come close to that I just become really tired and sleepy. And speaking of sleepy, I yawned many times while typing this post. 

 

Am I being served with this epiphany, that my life is very boring that it’s making me fall asleep? 

 

Well, I can do one of two things to rid myself of this lack of motivation. First, is that I can dance whatever dances tribal people do when they hope to get the stars to align for them. It’s a good workout, and people will find the spectacle of unintelligible shouting and inconsequential chest-slapping quite impressive, if not sophisticated or cultural. Now that sounds like a fine idea, except the sight of me yelping and flailing is not something I’d like my readers – all three of them – to carry to their graves. 

 

Second, is that I can try to change myself and set goals for myself. Pressure myself into improving the things I do. I can try to make my writing better. I can try to draw more. I can review what I’ve been taught in my web design classes. If I have time left, maybe I can try to learn playing musical instruments. All I know is that I’m old enough to have a complete control to where my life is heading, and it is my responsibility alone to change my life in such a way that I’ll never have to experience another one of these dead moments again.

 

Which means, time to play videogames.


Posted by nightdreamer at 2:40 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

can so~ relate to this, man. haven’t been meself for the longest time. i attribute mine to lack of sleep but, i dunno… things just don’t fall into place anywhere — school, work, life. hay… hopefully things’ll pick up.

Posted by dhey at August 15, 2008, 2:59 pm

Want to save yourself from boredom? Here’s a suggestion: challenge yourself into losing weight and gaining good abs in 40 days!

I’ve tried that. And I failed. Hahaha.

Posted by J at August 18, 2008, 3:01 am

I know what you’re feeling. It’s called “quarterlife crisis”. Interestingly, it’s something that quite endemic to our peers today. Back then, our parents would have been married at 25. Now, it’s quite unthinkable - well, for many anyway. There is a need to achieve something first before settling down.

Don’t think you’re alone though, I also feel that way sometimes. So, I feel for you. :D

You just need to work your way out of that ennui. Make a bucket list and stick to it no matter what.

And don’t put a strict head-on deadline on it like “40 days”. Ugh, even hearing that makes me lose steam already. Make it achievable in small timeframe doses, like “twice this week, I will work out, specifically on Monday and Thursday”. If you stick to it often, it will become a habit. And habits break boredom, no?

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