Worlds Apart

January 26, 2009

My head’s still dazed from my trip to Taiwan, which has already ended for 5 days. I guess this happens because seeing the differences of the culture here (in the Philippines) and there can be a bit of a sensory overload.

 

I guess I never wrote this part about myself in any of my blog posts, but I’m a Taiwan citizen who has lived here in the Philippines for more than 20 years. Though most of my friends here are Filipinos or part-Filipinos, my parents are Taiwanese immigrants born and raised in Taiwan. Growing up this way, I’ve often been confused by the clash of ideals stemming from Filipino and Taiwanese culture, and by the not knowing of which one I prefer. As a result, I’m chronically laden with crises of identity, and somehow I’m a bit resigned to believing that I’ll never really belong to either, so I get my inner peace by observing their cultures’ strengths and weaknesses.

 

My father and his siblings (along with their spouses, so that includes my mom) have for long lived apart, but few days ago they returned to their hometown in Shuangshi, Taiwan. Some of their children - me included - also went to that place, but I only saw all (my father side’s) cousins on the day of my grandfather’s funeral. The last time I saw all of them together was also the first time I ever saw all of them together, and that was 3 years ago when it was my grandmother’s funeral.

 

It is funny how in all of my 25 years, I’ve only seen some of my cousins twice, even if the youngest among them are already on the fifth grade. I couldn’t even recognize some of them (as an aside, I actually have a friend who was on a similar situation, and it led him to having this awkward monologue: “Hey, [he/she] is cute! Wait, WHAT?! That’s my cousin?!?!?”). I was already 22 when I was first called 哥哥 (“ke-ke”, the Chinese word for “big brother”) by anyone related to me by blood. As of now, I’ve only been called that twice, despite having 5 younger cousins (and 4 older ones). It’s kinda obvious how much of a stranger I am to them.

 

Every time my older cousins open their mouth, they talk about work, such as how they get paid enough to own secondhand cars and apartments in the suburbs. What was really disheartening was their reluctance to connect with me on a personal level; instead the vibes I get from them is more like that of two job applicants haughtily comparing resumes - whatever happened to kinship? And maybe this is just my foible, but I could not bear watching them being so workaholic when the situation wasn’t calling for it: my cousins left our hometown - if they’ve even visited - immediately after the funeral was over. The same thing happened after my grandmother’s funeral, and some of them never came to visit in the interlude between the passing of grandma and grandpa. For goodness sake, my grandparents took care of them back in the days, and this is the homage they receive?

 

Yet this is the microcosm of what typically happens in Taiwan’s households. I see parents working the extra mile to secure brighter futures for their children, and I see children become ungrateful youths who can’t even be bothered to go out with their parents. Outside of Chinese New Year (that’s today, by the way) you won’t see Taiwan youths together with their parents. In some cases, it is already considered an achievement if they visit their parents a day a year. I once heard from my uncle that in the past 10 years, he saw my father, who lives in a different country, more often than his own daughter, who lives an hour of train ride away.

 

Whenever I’m in Taiwan, I’m happy to see that even people of lower-income ranges can enjoy much of the privileges that their elites enjoy, yet I grieve for the disconnect of the old and the young. In the Philippines, I’m glad that most people keep their families close, but I’m disgusted by seeing our elites living the “first-world” life while the proletariats become homeless. That gap between Taiwanese generations is the same gap between Filipino social classes. I do not know which one I prefer; hence, I just watch behind fences.


Posted by nightdreamer at 4:00 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

Y’know it’s sad how the entire and I mean the entire family only gets together during funerals. It’s the same way with us.

I only got to know some distant cousins of ours during my grandma’s funeral two years ago. It was a very sad time but meeting new relatives actually lessened the sadness a bit.

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