Cafe Bob’s Horrorshow

Some place isn’t what it seems. Anybody who has read detective stories would have heard of bars where people — apparently strangers elsewhere — come to trade info. In the city of Bacolod there’s Café Bob’s, which may seem like a run-of-a-mill pastry shop or restaurant, but is in reality one of the most recognized rendezvous site among the city dwellers. Take it away and Bacolod would still look the same, but it would, doubtlessly, leave a feeling of “something’s just not right” filling that void. It’s like what happens when you remove Rockefeller Center from Manhattan, or pull out a tooth out of, well, you.

As some people may have heard (from Facebook, or here if they bothered to read my last post), I spent the last weekend in Bacolod City. I’ve spent years living here, finishing my secondary school. Ever since I returned to Manila, I haven’t gotten to see my Bacolod friends very much, because they all stayed in Bacolod while I struggled in Manila, this forsaken urban wasteland trying to be a Singapore but never bothering to be convenient or to clean up after itself. Anyway, when I found out that I was going to Bacolod and that I had some time aside to do whatever I wanted, I called my friends, and we set to meet up at Café Bob’s. Easy as pie.

Speaking of pie, I wish I could throw one on Café Bob’s. A few things first: I am not a food critic. Did I ever tell you that I don’t want to be a food critic? So yeah, while I will pitch in some opinions I’ve heard (not from myself, but from a friend) about its foods, this post will not be about how they taste, at least not in and of themselves. Instead, I will mention about the overall below-standard experiences I got from dining here. Keep in mind that most of these are not opinions, because they’re unacceptable in the objective sense. People working in Café Bob’s, I hope you read this.

To start off, how in the world did Café Bob’s survive this long without diversifying? I’m a vegetarian, and as a vegetarian I usually can find pizzas or pastas that I can eat, so it came as a shock to me that in Café Bob’s there’s nothing for me except for cheese pizzas. I didn’t have to suffer through the same thing in another restaurant just a few blocks away – Kuppa – so what the hell, Café Bobs? Did you sleep through the 70’s? Weren’t you aware that there’s a thriving vegetarian restaurant down in the Burgos St.? The 20^th Century called, it wants its homogeneity back!

Even if I can put aside my selfish needs, there’s just no excusing the food served to my friend. The chicken she ate had frozen bits, and it came with potatoes that were actually rotten. What’s shocking to me is that she did not take her complaints to the management, because people who allow such transgressions to slide may be the only reason Café Bob’s is still in business.

And, by the way, what’s up with the service? I had to call the waiters four times and wait for 45 minutes before they handed over the tab.

Just to be clear with this, I don’t want Café Bob’s to be out of business. Like I said in my intro paragraph, something just wouldn’t feel right if Café Bob’s is taken down. See, I’m conflicted about Café Bob’s; I like that it’s a convenient place for everyone to meet up, but I am appalled by what happens there. So to those of you who work there, I hope you read this and try to pull your act together. Put bluntly, what passes as service there would’ve been suicide elsewhere.

(Oh wow, I wrote this less than a week after my previous post! Who’d’ve thought?!)

(Horrorshow is a Burgess’ made-up word; it’s used to mean “well and good and supercool”, and I’m using it to describe how horrorshow Cafe Bob’s sucktitude is.)